I left the cat outside today, and it’s all I can think about. I had class at noon, so I had a long, lazy morning in the sunny kitchen, playing a genius mix of Andrew Bird’s Masterfade, my song of the week, eating breakfast and reading blogs. It was lovely.
Because it was so nice and bright outside and since I had all morning before I had to leave, I decided to let the cat outside. She likes to lie in the sun and eat our plants. We like to let her lie in the sun and throw pens at her when she tries to eat our plants.*
Occasionally she’ll act out, though. Generally when I want her to come back home, I’ll chase her. She’ll run up the stairs on one side, across the second floor walkway and then down the other stairs and into the apartment.This works out well. She gets the joy of evading me, and I get a cat back into the apartment. Sometimes she runs down the stairs down to the parking lot and hides under the cars. This is the worst. The very worst thing. I hate this. This is, of course, what she decided to do today right before I had to go catch the bus. She hid so well that when I went down to the parking lot to look for her I could not find her anywhere.
I decided that I had to leave. I decided that she gets to stay outside until I get home. I am extremely nervous that something is going to happen to her while I’m in this class. All the other times that she has been stuck outside for long periods of time were accidents. This time, if something happens to her, it will be completely my fault and I will feel horribly guilty. I really want to get home and find my cat.
*When Devon and I went to the grocery store yesterday, she picked one of my markers up off the ground, which had clearly fallen off the balcony. “Oh. Threw it at the cat?” I had.
Now it’s nearly six in the evening. She isn’t back yet. I’ve been circling the block, looking, making noises that mean “I’m talking to you” in cat-speak. A combination of clucks and kisses. I don’t know where she could be. I’m all alone in my cold apartment, since I’ve had the window and door wide open all day, in case she decides to come back. You don’t often see cats run over by cars, right? I mean, occasionally by the highway, but even then it’s mostly raccoons and squirrels. Even dumb soft house cats have a certain amount of animal instinct, right? I’m pretty sure she’s not on the block. She’s so noisy, I think I would have heard her.
I’m definitely bringing the cat with me when I move. It was never a question, really. It will be more difficult to find cheap housing and it will mean riding in the car with a pissed off feline for 11 hours, but those are incidental concerns. I love that cat. She’s adorable and snuggly and comes when she’s called, but only if I’m sitting in bed and nobody else is around. She’s too cool to show affection or obedience in front of company. She gives me something to talk to when I’m alone, and feel less crazy. I am going to talk to myself anyway, but I like that she gives me an excuse. She is super soft. Uncommonly soft. She’s also got leetle fangs that hang out of her mouth and make her look very very vicious. If I can have my little furry friend with me, I think I will be just fine moving somewhere new. I never really feel lonely when the cat’s around.
Which is why I hate this so much, at least in part. I’m worried that she’s in trouble, or scared or lost. Almost definitely hungry and cold by now. But also because I’m lonely. I don’t like to spend too much time away from the cat. The house feels so empty right now. I think I’ll make signs and put them up around the neighborhood. Her collar has the wrong phone number on it. I’m drawing them by hand, because I don’t have a computer printer. They have a cartoon of a fluffy black cat, with the descriptors
And a warning that she might try to go inside any open doors.
Devon’s back home now, and is making me feel better by insisting that she will show up when she feels like it, with a whole lot to say about her adventures. I’m going to go to bed now. And I’m going to close the window for the first time today. I believe that she will come back. If she does come back, I know my cat- she’ll tell us, loudly, until we come let her in.
UPDATE:: She’s back! She showed up at the door this morning, and Devon let her in. The meowing woke me up. She is so loud! I am so excited to see her! It all worked out fine. I wonder where she’s been!